Today.. Tuesday.. Cold.. Busy. Just an ordinary day at work, but it also seems so different in a way, no drastic events happened whatsoever. But why this urge to write? Write something to thank for??? I've always believed that the absence of bad is good. And today I shall thank God for goodness. And last week be just a memory, and a lesson.
It started two days ago, I was depress when my whole family (with extended relatives) started to gather and eat dinner, just to find out that they forgot to invite me. now isn't that something?? I've read a quote once that says "you are insignificant when significant news reach you last". It may be just a dinner, but it was for everyone, except me. I was home alone killing time just before bedtime, when my dad suddenly called up and realized I wasn't there, I ran as fast as I could. It was a very cold night, strong winds brush through my face, fighting tears falling down my cheek as I hurry, swallowing my pride to see these people that neglected my existence. I may be a little over the top melodramatic and sensitive, but I was just hurt. You see, all my friends are either from work alone or in the Philippines, all I have left in this foreign place is my family.
Another thought I remembered from my philosophy professor back in university, have you ever notice why people tend to vandalize anywhere or would want to leave a legacy before they die? It's a mark to be remembered, to leave a trace behind even if we're gone. Why? because of our fear of being forgotten, that fear that makes us less valuable among everything else, that in a lifetime living in a vast world even in memory we fade in oblivion, when it may all start in a flash of that dreadful feeling of insignificance.
Today I will feat this fear as I take this experience to learn and understand why. Is my company and presence displeasing in any way or have I not made a difference yet? I'm grateful for this strength I faced today, though I was hurt at first. It's a battle scar I would learn from.
More often than not, things seems to be in limbo of what's suppose to happen. As Im writing this post, in a corner of a cafe out looking bars full of drunkards intoxicated with euphoria, I can't help reflect my life for the past year. Where nostalgic nights masquerades pain of longginess and contentment of what once was simple. As of this moment, only a brink of sanity prevents me from running away from everything. One moment Im in seventh heaven and next thing I know, I feel as if hell's dragging me down. If only I could see that path again, that ambitious side of who I am that constantly strives to succeed and fight, but as I unmask myself writing this. A moment of each motivation and push I give myself, a part of me says "damn I need a break". I put a bar of success and expectations in my life to move forward and be better, but deep inside I'm already committing suicide. So tired proving myself and people wrong, a constant battle for better, as if contentment eludes reality and turns into illusions to convince myself that the end of the line is worth all pain.
Hope
The only word that I trust.. That would save me from myself. Hope for someone to hold me, hope for my parents to be proud of me, hope for grace, and hope for something meaningful to live for.
Clearly I have underestimated bollywood films, I've been the least enthusiast for dancing and singing scenes in movies, and yet I gave this a chance since it was recommended by a good friend of mine (thank u!). Not a glimps of disappointment was seen through my eyes except for tears from laughing and sadness. It came to me as a shock how this movie portrays real life dramas of friendship, hope, aspirations and hapiness of life that I can personally relate to.
Based on Chetan Bhagat's novel, Five Point Someone (though only a miniscule part was adapted to the movie) it was a story of three friends embarking life through college with unexpected twists and events. Rancho (Aamir Khan) the wise, optimistic, laid-back character was responsible for the advocacy of a good life, Raju (Sharman Joshi) lost from fear and later on was brave enough to let go and Farhan (R Madhavan) though smart, never had the passion for the vocation he took.
It started with reminiscing, both from the movie and myself. A flashback of college life suddenly connected me with the movie. What caught me most was the camaraderie of the three best friends. there was a scene where one of them had to choose between school and friendship, yes at first he chose to focus on his studies, but let it be known as shown in this movie that no matter how much you push your "real" friends away, for whatever reason there may be, they always have your back. Always there when you needed them most, be it for the good times and especially the bad.
Lesson: life may push to the limit and trip you over the clif, but in those hard and sad moments in your life, realize there would always be someone, that you are never alone and that others may come and go, but some of the few actually stays..
Though there are more life-changing lessons, i'll keep it hanging from here to hopefully convince you enough to watch it. I guarantee you that after you watch this movie, you'll be a little happier and contented than you were 3 hours before. Cuz' ALL IZZ WELL! :)
I've reposted my writings from the past,as seen below (12 posts). Everything i wrote was almost so random that i didn't have consistency in my work, some were poems, inspired work from another writer, observation, perspective and other more. But one thing remains the same, is that all that you've read from older posts or will read is based soley on my personal experience. I've never acknowledge life to be out of mere coincidences or "just because", cliche as it may sound it happens because its meant to create other happenings. My past writings reflected from both sad and happy moments of my life, but all was a blessing because its who i am now. I now decided to share a part of who i am, from my point of views to my experiences, that somehow one day even just for a split second i would even move someones life just for being me, true and real.
Posted by
Unknown
10:03 AM
It was during this week that i noticed how often people (including myself) criticize every little detail of a person, be it from their physical attributes, social status, or to how he/she should live their lives. i have to say it would always be difficult not to, but as i fight this habit, it seems as if everything conspires it to make it twice as hard, or maybe i was now more aware of how often i am prone to criticism?
As i struggle to figure out why it was inevitable for me and for everyone to avoid criticizing, i decided to simplify it, from its reasons why, to the person himself.
Is it the person we are criticizing or his actions?
One thing you have to bear in mind is that there's no "ONE" action that could ever define a person. If we try not to criticize others, we should force ourselves to understand and separate the action from the person. Just because somebody is confident and proud with what they have doesn't mean that they're bragging about it. It is worth developing the ability to think badly about an action of a person without making it personal.
Have you ever noticed why you're always conscious about yourself?
Proven that most of them are the ones that criticizes others. Most of the people i know spends 2 hours in the morning just to fix themselves, from the tip of their hair to the sole of their feet. Not entirely because they want to look good or to impress someone, it is because they themselves are afraid to be criticized. Subconsciously assuming that others would do what they usually do.
Are all criticism bad?
Before you utter criticism to another, would it make him a better person or would it bring him down? To criticize does not necessarily imply to find fault, but rather an expression of disapproval. Others call it constructive criticism, which is a positive attitude and act that should be used for a persons growth and not to degrade them.
What's the point of doing it?
According to Eleanor Roosevelt, "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people". Now where do you stand among the three? If you're doing it in such a way of making yourself feel better, how long would keep on doing it? It doesn't take long before you realize that there's nothing happening to you, that you spent all those time and energy for nothing that would benefit you in the future.
I tell myself this.. i encourage you do too.
Put yourself in the shoes of the person you're criticizing and walk a mile in it. What would you feel? :)
Written by:
Rochelle "Sam" Real
Posted by
Unknown
10:00 AM
"Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened"
These are the words i kept reminding myself after i came back from a wonderful vacation in the Philippines. Those familiar happy faces i never thought i'd see again so soon, hugs and kisses full of love and compassion, words of support and encouragement, smiles of happiness and hope. I never realized why i was so eager to go home and see my friends till the day i started sharing who i am again, listening to stories i can personally connect with, and the sound of music from people laughing. It wasn't just a vacation like i had before, it was putting me back to track after i detoured myself from being caught living a mundane mediocre life. It was a reminder why i should do things differently, like i did before, people and everything around me changes inevitably at warp speed, everything in fast forward motion and as if i was held captive by my own fears after blending myself in a black and white background. Not a modicum of interest excites me about anything for the past 8 months staying in Hong Kong, but just ONE week at home made me anew like it never happened.
I was surprised myself when an hour before my plane arrives before going back, i came across this quote from a backdoor cubicle at the airport, it may or may not mean anything to others, but it moved me to a point that the sadness i had of leaving was relieved with contentment of what i had for the past few days. It goes something like this: "Happiness can't be owned, earned, worn or consumed, it is the experience of living every minute with love, gratitude and humility"
As i jump start my late noon shift today, i bring with me hopes and dreams i once lost to face all that i ever feared in this jungle town i call "challenge". The simplicity i yearn will soon adhere.. To all my friends that made me felt like i was home again, that i was not alone and that in every heartbreaking obstacles, lies an overwhelming light. Cheers! Salamat! Thank u! Till next time guys!
Posted by
Unknown
9:59 AM
It was exactly 10 years ago when I last spent my childhood years with my dad, i just had fragments of memories such as playing the piano with him while singing along or having him buy me a toy i really liked. You see, in an early stage of my life i lost the privilege of having a whole family and like all kids during this phase, it was the time when i realize the value of having a dad or a mom. At first i hardly see any difference, but gradually everything changed.
I moved to the Philippines to study on my own since my parents decided to still stay in HK to work. My mom visits quite often and that i was grateful of, but as weeks, months and a year passed by i barely knew who my dad was, he would call but what would we actually talk about? My teenage self was not at all excited to see him after a year or two, it wasn't because i hate him for being far away, it was because after a while i had this fear of disappointing him, that somehow the next time i see him i had to actually "think" what i had to say. He too i believed felt the awkwardness, but it didn't take long when he started joking around where every thing seemed to be in the right place once like before. Proven from what i had that distance can never come between a father's love to its child.
Since then i cherished every chance i had with him, we may not have the quantity of time together but the quality of a weeks vacation was more than enough for me to get through the next 12 months. Now being with him makes it more overwhelming. He has done more for me and my mom in his lifetime than he ever has for himself. He is for me the most unselfish man i have ever know in life.
Even though i' am now 22, i will always be Daddy's Little Angel.
Thank you for making me the luckiest girl for having you, I love you Pa!
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Today.. Tuesday.. Cold.. Busy. Just an ordinary day at work, but it also seems so different in a way, no drastic events happened whatsoever. But why this urge to write? Write something to thank for??? I've always believed that the absence of bad is good. And today I shall thank God for goodness. And last week be just a memory, and a lesson.
